Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
