If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
