Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
