Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
