I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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