there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
