Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
