I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
