OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
