just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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