i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
