seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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