And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
