If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is wine microwaveable?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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