During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
