I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
