I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
