guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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