He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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