At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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