I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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