I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
