just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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