He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
