I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
