It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
