I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
