I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
