I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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