his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
