My friends, they love my intelligence
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
