Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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