Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
