Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
