george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
