you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
