He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
