I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
