Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
