chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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