apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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