The best revenge is premature balding
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
