i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
