i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
