I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
