There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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