hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
