My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
