You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
