I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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